


Welcome to She-ra's

by kissmehardly



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bakery, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/F, Found Family, Gen, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Military School, Trans Bow (She-Ra), but not dead ones, literal Women in Refrigerators, military catra, vivid descriptions of kit-kats, young!catra curses a lot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-01-14 19:11:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18482593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kissmehardly/pseuds/kissmehardly
Summary: Adora hasn't seen Catra since she ran away from the Hordak Military Prep for good and found family with other queer teens in tough places. Eight years later, she works at a bakery with Glimmer and Bow and barely thinks about her time in foster care or with the Horde. Until Catra, now an officer, walks in and orders coffee.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hey y'all! This is my first fic in years, but I could not resist playing with these characters.  
> I really don't know anything about the army, so assume that the Horde is not meant to reflect the US's armed forces.  
> all anti-military sentiments are 100% my own though  
> I do work in a bakery  
> all pro-bread sentiments are also 100% my own.  
> I will try to post chapters as I write them, but I am a student with a hectic life.

In retrospect, Adora could at least be glad that she wasn’t manning the counter when Catra walked into the bakery. Maybe she would have broken the glass case, or pulled on the handle of the espresso machine so hard it snapped off. Instead, she just dropped a tray full of sugar cookies. The mess of crumbs and frosting was a good excuse to scramble on the floor, beyond view of any customers. Adora didn’t know if Catra had seen her. She didn’t even know if she was recognizable. But she knew Catra in an instant.

It wasn’t just the eyes, or the out-of-place Horde uniform. It was the way she took money out of her wallet, and the ramrod straight posture that betrayed a military upbringing. Adora knew how quickly that spine could sag into a slouch, attracting punishment from any nearby authority. She had honestly never expected to see her friend in a officer uniform. Catra must have mastered some of her rebellious streak, to be wearing that uniform. 

After she finished cleaning up the cookies, Adora decided to make bread. True, she had pulled several golden and fragrant loaves out of the oven just a few hours ago, but this was a bakery. No one one would mind the extra. Besides, they gave away leftovers at the end of the day, under the sign Glimmer had painted to read “Food is Love.”

Adora scooped flour onto the scale, not even bothering to look at a recipe. She had first learned to bake bread when on kitchen duty at the Horde, though those loaves had been plain and heavy. She had loved it then, even been the head assistant in her final year there. No, thinking about the Horde kitchens was too close to thinking about Catra. The events of her last year, even more so. 

There were several cultures of yeast sitting on the counter. Adora lifted a checkered cloth over her favorite and inhaled. It smelled warm, alive. Perfect for driving the cold memories to the back of her head. She stirred it into water with salt and sugar, then poured in the flour. It puffed up and covered her eyelashes with soft grains. 

Adora was so involved in her kneading that she didn’t hear Glimmer come in.

“Adora. Adora!”

“What?”

“I had to wait until now to check on you. Frosta is covering my shift. Are you okay?”

“Just, um, making bread.”

Glimmer raised her eyebrows but didn’t say anything. After all, she was the one who had created Adora’s baking schedule. She knew from deviance. 

“So I thought I recognized that woman in the uniform but I couldn’t place her. And then I heard you gasp and crash. It was Catra, wasn’t it?”

Adora just nodded, playing with a stray piece of dough.

“I wasn’t even sure it was her. You know I’ve only seen Catra a couple of times, when we got into those fights as teenagers.”

“It was her alright. I would know that face anywhere.”

“I guess her eyes are pretty unique.”

“Not just her eyes.” Adora lifted the cloth off of one rising loaf of bread and punched it, maybe a little too hard. Glimmer moved towards her and put a hand on her shoulder.

“We both have to work the rest of the afternoon, and Bow doesn’t get home from classes for a couple hours. We don’t really have time to talk about this now, even if you wanted to. Let’s talk this evening, okay?”

Adora just nodded. She already had a list of things to do in the bakery between now and then. Not thinking about it would be a breeze.

 

***

Adora trudged upstairs to the apartment she shared with her friends. Everyone had left her alone to close up, recognizing the worried gleam in her eye that could only be tamed by cleaning and organizing. Her wrists hurt from all the scrubbing.

Glimmer and Bow were sitting on their ratty purple sofa, eating last night’s pasta out of tupperware. Bow smiled at her and passed a container but she shook her head.

“Let me shower first. I’m more flour than girl.”

Glimmer smacked her lips. “Good enough to eat,” and then frowned as if her friend might be unusually fragile after the day’s events. Adora decided to laugh. It was the kind of joke they made all the time. A glimpse of her former best friend didn’t have to ruin the friendships she had now.

When Adora got out of the shower, Glimmer and Bow were in the same places on the couch. Adora was able to get through half her container of pasta before Bow cleared his throat and glanced over at Glimmer. She looked at Adora, concerned.

“Hey… I know you don’t like to talk about your time with the Horde. I don’t think I’ve even heard you mention Catra’s name in the last four or five years. But seeing her again has clearly scrambled you. You were like a robot all day. Do you think you need to talk about it?”

Adora sighed and stared at her hands. 

“I don’t want to. I’ve built such a good life here, I’ve been able to not even think about my past in any real way. But I don’t I have a choice now.” She looked up at Bow and Glimmer, “Are you two okay to hear it? You helped me out so much when I first got here. I don’t want to burden you anymore.”

“Don’t be silly. This is what friends are for.”

 

“I guess I’ll just start at the beginning. You know I lived in group homes after my grandmother died when I was four. Too old to be adopted, I guess. Catra was always in the same homes as me. She claimed to not remember where she came from. Our first foster mothers were pretty nice, I guess. There wasn’t really enough of anything but we weren’t mistreated. They usually put us in the same trundle bed. I can’t remember sleeping without her.”

“The other kids could be pretty mean to Catra, she was scrawny and her eyes were different colors. The adults never protected her, or anyone I guess. I always stood up for her.”

Adora paused. Glimmer and Bow were giving her even, loving looks. They already knew this part. Adora talked about her foster days fairly regularly, even if she avoided going into specifics. Talking to kids still in the system was part of her job. Bright Moon said it gave them hope.

“Our situations got steadily worse as we got older. We weren’t always put in the same home, but there was this roof of a library we always met at. We started fighting more. Other people, not each other. I guess Catra usually got into scraps first. I bailed her out a lot. I was bigger and stronger, but Catra was clever. And meaner, I guess.”

“You’ve said “I guess” about six times in the last few minutes,” said Bow. “I know I don’t remember my time before Bright Moon all that well, but I was younger than you. Is this hard to remember?”

“Yeah. I guess.” Adora caught herself and cracked a smile. Glimmer looked relieved. 

“It was just so long ago. I was a different person then. We both were. Anyway, our fights got us both listed as problem kids. When we were thirteen, we got send to Hordak Military Prep with the other hopeless cases.”

“I’d always been okay at school, but there I was a star. Being strong and fast was the best way to win praise. Besides, I’d already learned to turn off my emotions if I got angry or scared. I could follow rules like nobody’s business. Catra was the opposite. She was usually near the top of the class, but she never stopped being angry. She broke rules all the time. Our supervisor, Weaver, hated her almost beyond belief. I was Weaver’s favorite, and got all sorts of privileges like working in the kitchen. I think that was the first straw.”

Adora paused again. Talking was bringing up emotions, which were worse than facts. She remembered what it was like, feeling positive that the only two people who would ever love her were an angry girl with a knife collection, and a truly sadistic trainer with a collection of even worse things.

“I guess one good thing about the Horde was that no one ever tried to seperate us. It was so cold in the winter that plenty of people bunked together. We weren’t ever that well supervised outside of classes and training. That let us, let me...” 

Adora trailed off. She could feel herself freezing up, her friends and the comfortable room receding. This was the part of the story that she didn’t know how to explain, or really even remember. One day everything was normal. Comfortable, maybe cosy. Next memory Catra was lying on the floor, bruised and next to lifeless. Next Adora was alone, trying to find her way to any kind of sanctuary. The things in between just filled her with icy shame and dread. She put her head on her knees and tried to remember how to breathe.

“Adora? Hey, Adora. We don’t have to talk about this anymore. Let Bow make you some pancakes and then we should all go to bed.”

She let herself be led into the small kitchen they shared. Bow’s pancakes were hearty, full of nuts and covered in butter and brown sugar. None of them spoke, but Adora felt herself come back into her body as she ate them. The sign in the bakery was true. 

After they all ate, Glimmer insisted on sleeping on the futon in Adora’s room. She would protest, but having someone nearby really did make her sleep better, even after all those years. 

 

Catra came again the next day. Adora didn’t see her, but Glimmer reported that the encounter was pretty much identical to the day before’s. She took her coffee black, but poured in the sugar from two of the little pink packets. Adora thought about that all day. Turning bitter into sweet. Catra’s long, thin fingers ripping the pink paper to shreds.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet more of the cast and Adora enters the belly of the beast.

“Adora? You coming to The Princess?” Bow peeked his head into her bedroom.

“Not sure. This week has been draining. I might just stay in and cuddle with Brightwind.”

“Come on. It’s Wednesday and the whole crew will be there. Besides, I think it might do you some good to get out of your head.”

“By definition, I am always in my own head

“I’ll get you a beer! Your second-favorite use for yeast!”

“I’m more intrigued”

“And I think Glimmer is still worried about you.”

“Fine, okay, I’ll come.”

Adora sighed and stood up, giving her dog one last scratch on the head before shrugging on her jacket. 

Even though the bar was crowded, Adora felt her shoulders relax as soon as she entered. Everything was bathed in soft pink light, still sparkling with traces of glitter from last week’s drag show. She and her friends had been coming to The Princess since before any of them could drink. The bouncers usually turned a blind eye on queer kids in need of a respite from their real life. Now that they were all years past legal, coming here was a weekly tradition. Wednesday was their night, since Fridays isn’t a great bet when most your friends work in food service. Work was the topic of conversation when Adora reached the table.

“So if this deal pulls through, I think we might make some valuable contracts and cater more big events.”

“Really Sodapop? That’s great! Who is it?”

Sodapop had been one of Adora’s classmates at culinary school. He ran a catering business along with Baker, another classmate, and Busgirl, the logistics guru. Adora liked to think of them as a twin triad to her friendship with Glimmer and Bow. 

Sodapop looked ashamed for a moment. “Actually, it’s with Hordak’s school. They’re having a huge fiftieth anniversary party this weekend. A bunch of the cooks of the main caterers have a bug, so they’re bringing us in.”

Everyone at the table suddenly looked uncomfortable. Sodapop and his friends seemed to be very deliberately avoiding meeting Adora’s eyes. 

Frosta, the youngest of their group, spoke first: “I cannot believe you would take their money.”

“Hey,” said Bow. “Better it goes to people like Baker and Soda, trying to do good things in the world, than to anyone else.”

Frosta crossed her arms. “I’ll be paying for my own drinks tonight. No dirty money for me.”

“Knock it off, short stuff. They haven’t even been paid yet.” This was Sea Hawk.

“Yeah,” drawled Mermista from her place slouched by his side. “If they don’t take this job, how would anyone get a chance to spit in their food.”

Busgirl laughed. “Please, no health code violations. Besides, not like that place could get much more sick. And yeah, I do feel bad. But we honestly can’t afford to be picky right now.”

“Actually, you aren’t the only ones taking Horde money these days,” said Adora. “We’ve had an officer in She-ra’s twice now.”

“What?”

“Who?”

“How did you know?”

“It was Catra. My best friend from when we were in school. I don’t think she saw me and we haven’t had a conversation in almost ten years, but it was her.”

Adora let the “Oh shits” and “I’m sorrys” and “Let me know if you need to talks” wash over her. Glimmer and Bow gave her small smiles.

“Let’s not dwell on the past. Next round is on me.”

She wanted to stay in this safe pink space and ignore the part of her mind that was already whirring with ideals and plans.

***

**Adora:** Hey Bus. Would you happen to need any any extra hands for Saturday?

**Busgirl:** we always need extra hands

**Adora:** Great. When should I arrive?

**Busgirl:** five would be good

**Busgirl:** would this happen to be about a certain Horde Officer?

**Adora:** No, really just looking for a little extra cash!

_ unconvincing even through text _

**Busgirl:** or a certain dark and mysterious past?

**Adora:** Please don’t tell Glimmer and Bow

**Busgirl:** why would I tell them my shift rotations? ;)

***

Adora was on autopilot for the rest of the week. Catra didn’t show up again, thank goodness, but that didn’t stop Adora from jumping every time someone walked through the door. Glimmer took her aside on Friday after she messed up her fourth coffee order.

“Do you need to talk?”

“I’m just kind of jumpy cause of… you know. I promise I’ll be more careful tomorrow.”

“You’re in the kitchen most of tomorrow anyway. Do you want to do something fun after work? Maybe see a movie?”

“Um, actually I think I might need some alone time. I want to…” She couldn’t think of a single thing she actually wanted to do. 

_ Stalk the girl who taught me about heartbreak? Or maybe that was my mother. _

“...go to the library and do some paperwork.”

“The library. Be careful.”

“Sure thing, Glim. I’ll watch out for those paper cuts!”

***

She almost turned around on the walk to the train station. She almost got off at the next six stops. She almost got back on once she reached her stop. She almost said no when Baker passed her a clean white uniform. She almost threw up on the ride over to Hordak. Instead of any of that, she walked through the doors to the kitchen and got to work preparing hors d'oeuvres. 

Adora didn’t let herself look around until she had fixed twenty little sandwiches. The kitchen was less familiar to her than she had expected it to be. They had gotten new ranges sometime in the last few years, and the lighting was different. She had spent some of the happiest times of her adolescence here, stirring vats of soup and taking casseroles in and out of the oven. All plain food, cooked on an institutional scale. Never anything delicious. Hordak did not encourage indulgence, as Weaver was fond of reminding them. No wonder she only made sweets now. A few years of cabbage-based cooking was a sure way to create a lifelong love affair with butter and sugar. 

“Baker, do you know if we’re making anything sweet?”

“Yep. Next task is stuffing cream puffs, and then some mousse.”

“Things really have changed here. I don’t think I knew the meaning of the word cream until I left.”

“I’ve heard some of the important guests are the Horde’s tech people. Folks who never went through bootcamp or anything. Maybe they know about the finer things.”

“Maybe so.”

Catra used to sneak away from her work assignments to visit Adora down here. She would talk and tease and dip her fingers in the kettle to sample the soup. Sometimes they would hide in the walk-in fridge, eating apples and cuddling for warmth. And for more than warmth. Adora could remember emerging from the cold, pink and giggling, their pockets bulging.

Both of them stole scraps to squirrel away for whenever Weaver took away Catra’s meal privileges. There were periods when Catra went hungry at least a couple times a week, though Adora could usually save some of her dinner. She used to lie awake at night after running away, worried that Catra would starve without someone to bring her food. Clearly she hadn’t. And now Adora was back here, preparing more food for her old friend. Small chance of any rendez-vous in the fridge this time. 

Busgirl came around with a checklist while they were squeezing vanilla cream into pastry shells. 

“Who all can cater-waiter?”

“I can.” Adora made a move to untie her apron. She couldn’t come back to Hordak and just see the kitchen. In for a penny, in for a pound. 

“Ok, come take this tray of meatballs and a bowtie. Circle the room, don’t step on any feet. You know the drill”

Adora did not, in fact, know the drill. She had not realized she would have to wear a bowtie, even a clip-on. The uniform was already making her feel less like herself, not the mention that the regulation bun was pulling at her scalp. She took the tray, checked her posture, and walked through double doors into Hordak’s cavernous dining room. It had been the multi-purpose room when Adora was still in school, probably still was. The kids had eaten their meals on large tables, and sat ramrod straight on folding chairs during assemblies. Now there were small round tables scattered around, covered with crisp white cloth. There were a few elevated tables on the far side of the room, which Adora made a mental note to avoid. Basic searching had told Adora that the school’s administration had changed hands a couple times since she left, but she still didn’t want to risk being recognized by anyone with power. 

She needn’t have worried. No one seemed to even notice the staff, at most making eye contact to flag her over and snag a meatball. She exchanged precisely zero words with the guests until a young women with long purple hair cornered her on her second loop around the room.  _ Must be one of the techies Baker mentioned.  _ Even ignoring the half-dozen rules her hair broke, her uniform had clearly been altered to contain pockets for a fleet of buzzing and blinking gadgets. 

“How are you enjoying the experiment?”

“Excuse me?” Adora had let her mind wander, scanning the crowd for mismatched eyes. 

“This party. Fascinating to observe.” The women pulled a screwdriver out of a pocket and began to tinker with a panel in the wall.

“What are you observing, exactly?” 

“Watching the groups intermingle. Your artificially lowered social position provides an enviable vantage point. Alas, I have build machines for too many people here to go unnoticed.” 

“What kind of machines?” Adora had visions of the high-tech tanks and bombs she had learned about in her Technical Warfare seminar.

“All kinds. AI is my specialty, though hardware was my first love. Robots are the future, after all!”

Adora did not want to think about battle robots in the hands of the Horde. She began to edge her way away from the wall when the girl suddenly straightened up and began to wave. 

“Scorpia! Catra! Over here!”

Adora spun around and stared at the crowd. Sure enough, Catra was striding towards them, next to a tall, muscular women with white hair. This whole plan a mistake. A party full of top brass was not the time to catch up with Catra. She tried to back away, but her escape route was blocked by a large man covered in medals. The purple-haired woman placed a hand on her arm.

“Stay here, Caterer-girl. I want my friends to sample the tiny meats.”

Adora smiled weakly and held her tray out to the approaching pair. Catra did not even glance at her, though the tall women smiled as she skewered three meatballs onto a single toothpick. Maybe she could get out of this encounter unscathed and unrecognized. 

And then Catra opened her mouth. Adora had forgotten the sound of her voice, the dry richness. It sounded a little deeper now. A little less afraid, a little less angry. No point in moving now. Her feet were frozen, along with the rest of her. 

“Entrapta, what are you doing with that wall? Please tell me you aren’t planting any more bombs.”

“Hahaha no. Trying to ascertain why the lighting in the room is so dim.”

“It’s a party. The light is for atmosphere.”

“How completely ineffective.” The woman -Entrapta- closed the panel back up and put the tools in her pockets. “But you should sample some of these orbs. What this venue lacks in ambient lighting it makes up for in meat spicing and food size.”

Catra plucked a meatball off of the tray and then paused with it halfway to her mouth. Her mismatched eyes met Adora’s and widened, almost imperceptibly. Adora was ready this time. She didn’t drop the tray, didn’t even twitch. Just waited to see if Catra would speak. 

“Hello, Princess. It’s been a while.”

Adora forced herself to hold her gaze, even as her heart dropped into her stomach.

“I suppose it has,” she managed, her voice more steady than she’d expected. She turned around and walked back to the kitchen, trying to keep an even pace.

“Hey, Sodapop? Care to switch jobs? I’m in the mood to layer some mousse”

Sodapop took a look at her too-bright eyes and nodded, taking the tray. Adora ignored the mousse, took a deep breath, walked straight into the fridge, and curled up in a corner. It was all too much. Being here, seeing the uniforms, seeing Catra. Hearing her voice. She stayed in the corner until the shivering and strange smells were too much too bear, and then crawled out to finish the desserts. 

When the caterers were packing up, a bald man from the other crew walked over to Adora. He handed her an envelope

“One of the officers asked if I could give this to ‘The blonde caterer with the righteous expression.’ I assume she meant you?”

“Oh, uh, I guess so! Thanks!” She took the envelope and put it into her pocket. Whatever was in it, she couldn’t deal with right now. Not when her composure was already strained to the breaking point.

Her restraint lasted her about half the journey home. Sitting in an empty train car, she reached into her pocket with trembling hands in pulled out the envelope. Inside it was a library card, printed in a design the city hadn’t used for more than ten years. CATRA STONE was written on the back in spiky child’s handwriting. The front read, in handwriting more certain but just as spiky: TOMORROW 21:00.

A time and a place.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora comes home after the party and thinks back to the night she met Glimmer and Bow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for homophobic language and violence. If that is not for you, stop reading at "Adora shook with excitement" and start again at "Adora hurried into the van."
> 
> In general, the flashback chapters will have more homophobia and violence than those set in the present day, though I plan to avoid anything graphic and will mostly write around slurs.

 

Glimmer was waiting up in the apartment. As soon as Adora came in she put down her book and stood up.

“The library closed six hours ago. Where were you?”

“Um. Around”

“Were you at the Horde Gala?”

Adora sank onto the couch and nodded. No point in denying it. Glimmer knew her better than anyone in the world. 

“I’m not mad, you know that, right? I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“Thank you. I’m… really not.” She gulped and then began to cry.

Glimmer wrapped her arms around her friend and then whistled. Brightwind came trotting out of the hallway and hopped onto the couch with them, his head resting in Adora’s lap. Adora cried into Glimmer’s shoulder until she was ready to speak

“Being back there was worse than I thought. And actually seeing and hearing Catra up close was much worse than in the shop. I couldn’t even talk.”

“I’m so sorry. At least she should be leaving now?”

“That’s the thing. I might see her again. Tomorrow.”

“Wait, why? And how?”

Adora pulled out the library card and passed it to Glimmer

“Ah. She held onto this all this time?”

“I guess so.” Catra had always hung on to little things like that. She never had many other belongings. 

“Do you want to see her? Are you worried you’ll freeze up again?”

“Yes. And also yes. But seeing her tonight, mingling with top brass, made me so curious. When we were kids, she was scrappy and angry and messy. Couldn't follow an order to save her life. And now she looks and acts like the cookie-cutter Horde officer.”

“Like you were supposed to be.”

“Exactly. I want to know why we switched places.”

“You never switched places with anyone, Adora. You’ve always been too good for The Horde.”

“I’m not. I’m just lucky. That Horde girl is still inside me somewhere.”

Glimmer made a noise of disbelief.

“It was like the last eight years just fell away. I could feel myself turn back into a soldier.”

“That could never happen.”

“Couldn’t it, though? I was such the perfect Hordak machine when I was younger.”

“You weren’t. You had more compassion than the rest of those goons put together. Remember the night we met?”

“Yes. You hated me. You and Mermista called me ‘Abhorra’ for a while.”

“Okay, but we came around once we saw you were a good person. You did the right thing, even when everyone you knew said it was wrong. Think about that.”

“I’ll try. It’s just really hard, on nights like these.”

“I know, love. I know.” 

Adora buried her head in Glimmer’s neck and inhaled. The familiar smell calmed her down. She remembered the night they met, the night her world broke up and turned upside down. Maybe that was the night she and Catra had inadvertently switched futures.

 

**Age 16. Hordak Military Prep**

Adora did not especially want to spend the afternoon with Weaver. Her Sergeant accosted her just as she stepped out of the shower room after three hours of training and sparring. She had an hour before dinner, an hour she usually liked to spend with Catra on the roof.

“Adora. You showed masterful leadership in today’s simulation.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

“You are quickly growing into the kind of soldier Hordak is most proud to produce. I think it is time to entrust you with a little more responsibility.” 

“Will I be made head assistant in the kitchen?” The head assistant was given a key, something she and Catra had coveted for years.

“Mmm I suppose you could. I was referring to assigning you to a Force Squad.”

Adora gasped. Force Squads were junior policing units. They patrolled the city and had authority to detain miscreants until the real police arrived. Cadets generally weren’t allowed to join until their final year at the academy.

“Sir! Thank you Sir!”

“Your orientation will be tomorrow, and your first patrol the day after. Make me proud, Adora.”

“I will! Has anyone else from our year made it? Catra’s times are always as good as mine.”

“Only you. Catra still has much to learn about discipline. I hope you make some new friends on your squad. I am afraid your current companions could only possibly drag you down.”

“Alright sir. Thank you, sir.” Weaver had been telling Adora to lose Catra for years now. It barely registered.

“You can be dismissed.”

Adora dashed to the roof to tell Catra the news. Her best friend would be happy for her, right? 

Catra was lying in the last rays of the evening sun. She was burnished bronze, as if her skin was producing heat from within. Adora slowly walked around her best friend until she stood completely blocking the light. Catra grumbled and opened her eyes.

“I heard you the moment you stepped onto the roof, oaf. No need to block the sun.”

“Scoot over and let me into the sunbeam.”

She obliged and Adora sat down, crossing her legs over Catra’s. She was right, the girl was warm. Catra leaned back on her hands and regarded Adora lazily.

“What are you grinning about?”

“I just talked to Weaver.”

“Adora, no one grins after talking to Weaver. She is a terrible person.”

“She just promoted me to Kitchen Assistant  _ and _ Force Squad.”

Catra sat up, dislodging Adora’s legs.

“No shit! That’s incredible! We’re finally going to see the city!”

“That’s the thing. Weaver said I’m the only one from our year promoted.”

“Of fucking course you are. I was stupid to think anything else. Sorry.” Catra pulled one of her knives out of her pocket and began flicking it open and closed.

“Catra, you aren’t stupid. Weaver is just…”

“A heinous bitch?”

“Not the word I would have gone with.”

“I know you wouldn’t, Miss Goody-Goody Force Squad Cadet.”

“Look, I’ll find ways to sneak both of us out. I’ll have a key soon. Can you wait until Saturday night?”

“I guess so.” Catra snapped her knife shut with an air of finality. “Let’s get going. I don’t want to miss dinner on a night when I’m actually allowed to eat.”

“Come on, a few more minutes in the sun?”

“Stay if you want. I’m going down.”

Adora followed Catra into dinner, even though the other girl barely looked at her all evening. She fell asleep on her own, listening to Catra toss and turn in the bunk above her.

***

Adora shook with excitement as she followed the Force Squad through the streets of the city. It was an early spring night, misty and chilly. She wondered what crimes they might stop tonight. Theft? Arson? Graffiti? The rest of the squad were three men and a women, all set to graduate in a few months. They seemed impossibly tall and strong, despite having less than two years on Adora. 

She followed them into a park, making a beeline towards a picnic blanket with four teenagers in colorful clothing. Some of them had hair dyed strange colors, others had their legs and midriffs bared. Adora had never seen anything like them.

“Why are we approaching them? It looks like they’re just eating.”

“It’s almost curfew. We should warn them.”

“Oh. Okay.” For some reason, the rest of the squad was snickering.

Johnny, the leader of the squad, approached the blanket.

“Hey, queers. Time to get out.” Everyone on the blanket abruptly stopped talking. A small girl with dusty pink hair stood up and put her hands on her hips.

“ _ What  _ did you just call us?”

“Queers. You’re lucky I didn’t say something worse.”

“Oh yeah? Like that’s still a slur? Like a stupid slur at all would scare us out of the park?”

“I have a lot more up my sleeve. Want to know what I can do to your little friend the tr-”

He stopped talking as the girl’s fist collided with his face. Within a second Johnny had picked her up and thrown her on the ground, where she landed with a sickening crunch. Adora wanted to cover her eyes, even as she felt herself rush to the girl’s side.

“Squad, let’s head out. The bitch learned her lesson.” The squad strode out of the park, not even noticing that Adora was still on the blanket.

The girl was clutching her shoulder and biting her lip. Adora reached out and felt her arm. 

“I think it’s broken.”

“Who the hell are you?” asked a girl with dark hair, as the rest of the group gathered closer.

“Force Cadet Adora. Trained in basic field medicine.” 

“Get away, Abhorra. I don’t want any Horde touching me.”

“No, please. I just want to help. Can someone call her an ambulance?”

“No ambulance, my mom will kill me if she founds out I hit a Horde goon. Cops always ask questions.”

“As well they should!” Adora said, indignant. “What Johnny did was completely unheard of.”

The entire group stared at her for a second and then laughed. Even Glimmer managed a grimace.

“I don’t know what they tell you in Horde School, but this shit happens every night in the city. And we’re always the ones who get blamed for it.”

Adora felt a shifting sense of vertigo at the thought. The Horde were supposed to be the force of order, the peacekeepers. It was kids on the street who caused all the mayhem and violence. 

“C’mon Sea Hawk, start your van,” said the dark-haired girl. “We can think up a story on the way to the hospital.”

“Let me come with you.” Once again, Adora was acting without forethought. “I can vouch for you, or make up something. The authorities will trust a Force Cadet, right?”

The group looked at each other with various degrees of panic. A boy in a cropped shirt spoke up.

“The girl is clearly going through some kind of crisis. I think we should give her a chance to help Glimmer. And we really don’t have time to argue. Into the van, everyone.”

Adora hurried into the van. She could control her spiraling emotions if she concentrated on the task at hand. Get to the hospital. Help Glimmer, even if it meant telling a lie. Figure out who these people were. Figure out what they had done to make the Force Squads so angry. Figure out if the Horde could be trusted anymore, if they gave people like Johnny free rein. Figure out the bus schedule, so she could sneak back into her barracks before sunrise. 

***

They spent what felt like forever in the waiting room of the ER. Someone suggested that Adora tell the nurses that Glimmer fell off a skateboard. She nodded. After only a few minutes of sitting still, Adora began to pace. Water fountain, vending machine, nurses station, bathroom. Over and over again, pausing at different intervals each time. 

Could the Horde really just exist to attack people? What kind of peace were they keeping? 

She stopped in front of the vending machine and stared at her reflection. Regulation ponytail, red jacket. The perfect Horde Soldier, as Catra would say. A face appeared in the glass next to hers.

“Don’t mind me, just grabbing a Kit-Kat.” It was Bow, the boy with the cropped shirt. Adora wondered distantly if his midsection was cold in the clinical hospital air. He inserted change into the machine and grabbed a candy bar in a bright red wrapper.

“Want a piece?”

“I don’t know. What is it?”

“ _ What is it? _ Have you never had a Kit-Kat?”

Adora just shook her head. Horde Cadets did not get sweets. She had vague memories of chocolate and candy from her childhood, but had nearly forgotten the taste.

“It’s only the best candy ever produced! Chocolate and wafers. Here, have a piece, I insist.”

He snapped off a section of the bar and handed it to her. She took a small bite, conscious of the boy’s bright eyes.

And then she took a bigger bite.

It was miraculous. 

The coating was so sweet she could immediately feel the sugar going to her head, and so soft it melted in her mouth. The wafers broke with a crunch that surprised Adora, revealing more sweetness between the flakes. She finished the bar in three bites, and then licked the remaining chocolate from her fingers, not caring if she looked ridiculous. Bow giggled at the look on her face and handed her another section. She tried to savor the taste and the crunch, but it was gone just as quickly.

“Wow. So you’ve really never had chocolate?”

“Not for years. I didn’t even remember what it tasted like”

“Life in the Horde must be miserable.”

“It’s not so bad!” Adora was automatically defensive, even if she wasn’t sure why.

“You’re denied dessert and taught to fight. Sounds like paradise.”

“Well, yes. But they took me in. And you kind of forget what’s on the outside.”

“Did you really not know that the Force Squads beat up queer people every night? And Black people? And the homeless.”

She shook her head. “I was told we keep the peace. I don’t even really know what those words mean. The one Johnny said.”

“Queer?”

“Yes. Vocabulary isn’t really a priority with us.”

“Well, I’m trans and gay. So that’s queer.”

Adora just looked at him with wide eyes.

“Do they not even teach you that? Not even ‘you should beat these people up?’”

“We’re only supposed to beat up miscreants and malefactors!”

“Okay, well. Let me explain some more.”

So he explained, and explained. And as the questions and answers piled up, Adora began to feel a new sinking feeling in her stomach, nearly identical to the one that began when Johnny threw Glimmer on the ground. Because everything that Bow was saying sounded so very familiar. 

“Uh, Bow?”

“Yes?”

“I think that’s me. Queer, I mean. I mean, I think I am. Queer, that is.”

“Wait, really?”

“My best friend, Catra, and I, maybe we’re actually girlfriends? From what you’re saying, I think maybe we’re both queer.”

“Oh, okay.” Bow wrinkled his forehead. “Does anyone else know?”

“No, Catra told me to keep it a secret. I guess I know why now. Plus, Cadets aren’t supposed to share ‘Undue Affection.”’ She sank down onto the floor and he sat next to her, their backs against the cool glass of the machine.

“I can’t go back there. I can’t go back to believing their lies. I can’t hurt people like that. I need to grab Catra, and then I need to run.”

“Glimmer’s mom can help you with that. She runs this center for queer youth. It’s called Bright Moon. I’ve lived there for the past couple of years, since my parents didn’t accept that I was trans. She can find you a place to live, and counseling and stuff.”

“Really? Thank you so much.”

Bow walked over the nurse’s station to borrow a pen and paper. 

“Here’s the address, and here’s the number for the hotline.You can show up or call at any time.”

She put the paper in her pocket just as Mermista rounded the corner.

“Hey. Abhorra or whatever your name is. The doctor guy wants you to tell him what happened.”

***

Bow insisted on lending Adora bus fair after she repeated her story a few more times. The ride was shorted than she thought, and she managed to sneak in only a few hours after lights-out. She climbed straight into the bunk above her own and wrapped her arms around Catra, who had clearly woken up the moment Adora entered the room. 

“Adora. Where the hell were you? I had to lie and tell Weaver that you came home early cause of stomach flu and have been in the bathroom whenever she checked. I got to watch her scream at the rest of your squad though, so that was fun.”

“Sorry sorry sorry. You would not believe the night I’ve had. I have so much to tell you.”

***

Adora woke up just as the first rays of the sun crept into the room. Her phone’s alarm was blaring, the message on the screen reading “Bread Time!”

It took her a moment to realize that she was on the couch in her own apartment, not a Horde barrack, and that the girl in her arms was Glimmer and not Catra.

The library card was lying on the floor by her shoes. She had about sixteen hours to figure out what to do.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some uncomfortable conversations  
> This chapter takes place entirely in the present day, though the next one will be in the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A (kind of short) chapter for you! Sorry I haven't posted in a minute. It's finals season so my life is a mess.  
> Your comments and kudos help remind me that my writing skills are for something more than just pumping out essays :)

Adora mixed pink dye into a bowl of frosting, planning her night. Of course she knew where she would be. She had known as soon as set eyes on the card. The library was a sacred place, full of the stories that sustained her as a child. She felt like the request- no, demand- to meet there came from the scrappy Catra she had known long ago, not the dark, cynical, creature the Horde had produced.

She and Catra used to meet on the roof of the library when they were in different homes, or when going home wasn’t a safe option. The roof was full on sunny days, but it was gray and empty more often than not. Their private kingdom in the sky. The roof was technically closed after sundown, but Adora had no doubt that Catra would have already found a way up. She had always been obsessed with being as high up as physically possible. No matter what height she fell from, Catra could walk away without a scratch. 

Adora remembered acting as lookout when she stole a key to the roof at Hordak just two weeks into their first semester. It had quickly become their private place to meet. Weaver never punished them for loitering on the roof, as much as she liked to torture Catra. Adora had once overheard her tell another teacher that any cadet who fell off of the roof wasn’t worth the cost of a uniform. 

Something deep within Adora wanted to again know the feeling of being alone with Catra at the top of the world. A voice, less deep within her, told her to not do something so stupid alone. If nothing else, her friends might not forgive her for sneaking off to see Catra a second time. She reached over to her phone, wiping frosting off of her hands as she did so. Neither Bow nor Glimmer had classes or work on Sundays, and she knew the promise of freshly baked cupcakes was hard to resist. They were at the bakery within fifteen minutes. Adora couldn’t really think of any way to broach the subject of Catra without making it a pronouncement.

“You’ve probably figured out why I called you here. I’ve decided to see Catra tonight, and I guess I wanted to make sure you think that’s ok.”

Bow and Glimmer exchanged a glance. Adora suspected that her emotional state had been a topic of discussion that morning.

“Do you want one of us to come to the library with you? Maybe wait downstairs, like for backup?”

“Come on Bow, it’s not like this is a military operation. Catra isn’t going to swoop down with a helicopter and kidnap me.”

“You don’t know how much power she has at her disposal!”

“I know she’s not a supervillain.” 

Glimmer raised an eyebrow.

“What would she even want to kidnap me for?”

“She went pretty wild the first time you left. Followed you around the city? Stood outside Brightmoon for days? Gave me the worse black eye of my life?”

“Okay. All that is true.” Adora began to frost more vigorously, piling on so much mint buttercream that the cupcake beneath it collapsed. Bow quickly moved to scoop up the fallen frosting and lick it off his fingers. 

“I’m not going to deny that Catra is a dangerous person. But I have to hear what she has to say. She might want to make amends.”

“But do you need her to make amends? An apology almost ten years too late won’t change anything.”   
“Actually, I think it might. I didn’t realize it until this week, but I need something to bridge the two halves of my life. Right now it’s like, it’s like… some kind of open wound.”

Glimmer’s face changed from anger to understanding. 

“I’m not going to keep you from closure. But can I ask you to make a couple of ground rules?”

“Sure, mom.” That at least made Glimmer crack a smile. 

“Don’t tell her where you live. If she hasn’t figured out you work here yet, don’t tell her. Don’t get too near the edge of the roof. And I’m coming to the library with you. I’ll wait in the main reading room.”

“Glimmer, I really don’t need-”

“Too bad. You’re stuck with me.”

“And me!” said Bow. “If nothing else, we’ll be company on the ride back.”

“Fine. Fine. If you two don’t mind, I’d like to frost in peace for a while.” 

***

Seven o’clock. Adora stood in front of the mirror, a pile of clothes at her feet. 

_ This is the most stupid problem imaginable. No outfit will make you ready for this. _

“Glimmer!”

Glimmer appeared in the room as if by magic

“Whatcha need?”

“Please help me decide what to wear. You know I can’t do fashion.” She had never really figured out clothes outside of the uniform. Practical pants and shoes had always felt the best under her apron.

“What kind of look are we going for? ‘Meeting an old enemy on the roof of a public building’ isn’t a typical runway challenge.”

“I just want to look nice. Like I have my life together.”

“That will be easy, since it’s the truth.” She took a sweater from Adora and tossed it on the pile. “Green washes you out. Let’s stick with the warm colors.”

“I don’t even know what that means.”

“It means stop borrowing clothes from Mermista. Wear your red boots, those look good with anything.”

“A darker pair of jeans and let’s see. The pink flannel. Warm and pretty!”

“Okay. And I think I’ll wear my hair down, since it was always up in the Horde.”

“Good choice.”

Adora likes the outfit. It makes her think of fresh air, and friendship, and being allowed to be feminine. 

“Can we take an early train? For some reason I’m afraid to be late.”

“Of course”

***

Glimmer and Bow each gave her a quick, tight hug in the reading room of the library before Adora headed upstairs alone. It was four flights of stairs to the roof, and then a door that had been propped open. Had Catra come over earlier, when the roof was still officially open, to prop it? She opened the door and stepped out onto the roof, lit only from the reflected orange glow of the polluted clouds.

“Hey Adora.”

Adora jumped, and hated herself for it. Catra was near the edge of the roof, leaning against a railing. She was going to stay there, and make Adora walk towards her. Adora did, despite Glimmer’s warning ringing in her ears. 

_ The Horde has no scruples, Adora. You know that.  _

“What did you want, Catra?”

“To see you, of course.”

“ _ Why  _ do you want that?”

“I want to catch up. It’s been what, six years?”

“Eight.” Adora stood uneasily a few feet away from Catra, who was resting her elbows on the railing in a very good imitation of relaxation. Adora wasn’t sure what gave away Catra’s nervousness. It could be the tilt of the head or the set of her feet. Looking at old best friend was like hearing her mother tongue for the first time in years. Words were coming back to her that she didn’t even know she had lost.

Catra looked her up and down, eyes illuminated to an otherworldly glow in the dimness. She was wearing black jeans and a leather jacket in some dark color, maybe maroon. 

“So, um, how has your life been?” If Catra wanted to catch up, catch up they would do.

“Mmmm it’s been breezy. Mostly classified information though, below a certain rank. And you, well, you don’t have a rank at all.”

“Are you trying to make me jealous? Leaving the Horde was the best thing I ever did.”

“Best thing you did for me, at least. Who knew how quickly I could rise without a blonde viking standing in my way?”

Adora dug her nails into her palm and told herself not to rise to the bait. She was a civilian now. Civil.

“I’m glad you’re happy where you are. So am I.”

“Adora. Why so tense?”

“Last time we were on this roof was for you to show off a gameboy you stole. Things have changed since then. I know you want something”

“I wanted to tell you I’m coming back to Etheria. I’m posted to the base just outside of town.”

They had toured the Etheria base a few times in school. It was small, and military rumor had it that it was mostly for intelligence work. Other rumors said it was keep the unruly city in line.

“Wait, really? Why would tell me? Why would you share any information with me, at all?”

Adora thought she might have seen a flash of tenderness in Catra’s eyes, but it was swallowed by a smirk.

“Worried for your employment, Princess. How many trays of cookies can you drop before someone fires you?”

“I- what- you saw?”   
“Of course. You’ve never been good at stealth work. You should get used to this face, it would be so unseemly to have a heart attack next time you cater an event above your station.”

This was just like Catra. Give Adora a single piece of information, reveal that she was holding the cards all along, and then add an insult as garnish. She had learned a lot from Sergeant Weaver.

“I’m surprised you’d come back. I always thought you hated it here.”

“I’m surprised you stayed. Wasn’t it our destiny to travel the world? Together?”

“I have friends now, Catra. Real friends.”

“Oh, that pair who walked you into the library. I guess they must still feel responsible for you. Since they convinced you to run away and all.”

This time Adora didn’t rise to the bait. She had no idea how Catra had recognized Glimmer and Bow from four stories up and eight years later, but now was not the time. Hopefully, never would be the time. Their conversation had lasted for maybe seven minutes, but it was enough. She took a deep breath.

“Okay Catra. It was great catching up, but I’m going back down to my real friends. Maybe I’ll see you around.”

“Give me a ring if you ever want to spar. I miss beating you.”

Adora doesn’t tell her that she hasn’t held a weapon in years, that she fell out of fighting shape long ago. She has let her body become soft and comfortable as a reminder that she is more than a fighting machine.

She left Catra smirking at her retreating frame. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another flashback chapter, taking place directly after the last one.  
> To make up for the brevity of the Catadora interaction in the most recent chapter, this chapter is almost 3k of increasingly tense conversations between them.  
> See Notes for warnings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for homophobic violence and discussion thereof.   
> To avoid this, stop reading at "We should get into one of the showers" and begin again at "We'll have each other"  
> (yes, this is an angsty chapter. Those sentences are representative.)  
> I am very tired as I post so I apologize for any errors.

 

8 years ago

Adora and Catra sat on the top bunk, whispering and wrapped in their thin fleece blankets. 

“My night was,” began Adora. “This is so weird. I’ve never had to explain anything to you before.”

“Just start at the beginning.”

“Okay, so, when I was on patrol, we saw these kids in the park. And they looked so cool. One of them had pink hair! And then Johnny called them queer, and this really brave girl stood up to him, and then he broke her arm. Brutality! Can you believe it?”

“Yeah, of course. Johnny is an asshole. If the kid was smart she’d have gotten out of his way.”

“But he’s Force Captain! He shouldn’t use, well, force.”

“Wait Adora, did you really think the Force Squads never beat anyone up?”

“No! Of course not! These kids explained it all to me. Force Squads, and I guess a lot of police and Hordak forces, hate people who are different. And no one stops them.”

“So you don’t want to be on a Force Squad anymore?”

“No! I mean of course I don’t. But it also made me realize I might be different.” She shifted so she was facing the other girl completely. “Catra, do you know what being queer means?”

“Yeah. It’s like being a lesbian or whatever.”

“How did you know when I didn’t?”

“How did you  _ not  _ know? Those bullies in public school were homophobic whenever they weren’t too busy being racist. We must have beat them up for calling us gay ten times before we were twelve.”

Adora didn’t really remember that. Their schoolyard fights were a blur of nails and teeth and fists. She couldn’t have told Catra what a single one was about.

“So did you- did you know that  _ we _ were queer”

Catra pressed a blanket to her face to hide a laugh.

“Well, duh. Did you think it was my evil twin kissing you for the last year? Or my good twin, considering, you know, my personality.”

“So you knew? And you knew that the Horde doesn’t like gay people? And you’re okay with staying?”

“Yeah. It’s shitty for now, but we have each other. And if we keep on being the best, we’ll be running this place before too long. And then no one tells us what to do.”

Adora frowned. She felt like there was something missing in Catra’s plan. Too much hiding, and too much turning a blind eye.

“I think I want to sneak out more. To see those kids again.”

Catra stiffened for a moment, but then nodded. 

“Let’s save making plans for the morning. It’s too late to worry about anything right now. C’mere.”

She grabbed Adora’s hand and pulled her into a long kiss. Adora lets herself disappear into it, and they stay locked together until both finally sunk into sleep.

***

“Adoraaaaaaa”

Sergeant Weaver’s voice broke into Adora’s dream of chocolate and sunshine and lazy kisses.

“Excuse me- Weaver- Sir?”

She rubbed her eyes, confused as to why she was eye-to-eye with her sergeant. The warm weight of Catra, asleep near her legs, reminded her. Adora was in the top bunk, and Weaver was in their dormitory, where she almost never went.

“Why did you not come see me when you returned last night?”

“It was very late, Sir. I did not want to wake you. I guess that’s why I fell asleep in the wrong bed, haha.” 

“I was ssssick with worry. Where were you?”

Adora had planned out her excuse on the ride home.

“I had to make sure that the miscreants spoke to the appropriate authorities.” That was true, even if Adora had not exactly given the hospital Horde-sanctioned information. 

“After speaking to the authorities, it took quite some time to get home on the bus. You know how disorganized public infrastructure in Etheria is.”

“Mmmm. Truly the city is in a state of dreadful disrepair. However, you must come straight to me next time. The Headmaster already disapproves of some of my… tactics. I cannot have my squad members disappear willy-nilly.”

“Yes, sir.”

“I already received a mission briefing from Force Leader Johnny, after he was severely reprimanded. Do you have anything to add to it?”

“No, sir.”

“Very well. I will see you in training at eleven hours. I’m proud of you, Adora.”

“Thank you, sir!” Adora felt a flash of guilt about how she really spent her night, but she wasn’t sure who she was disappointing. 

Weaver glided out of the room, rapping on the doorframe to wake the rest of the cadets. 

Catra’s head emerged from under the blanket, her thick black hair sticking up in every direction. 

“Ugh, I thought she’d never leave.”

“Where you awake the whole time?”

“Yeah, her voice really triggers my fear response. Wakes me right up. Good job with the lie though. I was afraid you’d confront Weaver on the Horde’s tactics right here and now.”

“Maybe I should have.”

“Please. This bed is my one place of peace. Now get out of here, it’s time for you to be perfectly on time for breakfast.”

***

The two of them barely had a chance to talk for the next few days. Training was brutal, and there was a major tactical exam coming up. The first time they had a chance to be alone was when Catra wandered into the kitchen during one of Adora’s shifts.

**“** I’m so glad you’re here. Can we talk about our, ah, weekend plans?”

“Sure.” Catra dipped a finger into the protein shake Adora was spooning into individual containers. Adora couldn’t help but follow the motion of Catra’s finger to her lip, and the way her small pink tongue licked the fruit mixture off of it.

“In private? Like ten minutes from now?

“I’ll loiter by the fridges until you have a chance,” promised Catra, winking as she walked away.

Adora found a reason to sneak off to the fridge in just a few minutes. They settled into their usual corner, leaning against forgotten sacks of potatoes. Adora grabbed her friend’s hand and began rubbing her thumb over the knuckles. 

“Weaver hasn’t picked anyone to take Johnny’s place, so I’ll be free from Force Squading Friday night. I’m thinking that would be a good time to visit Bright Moon. Catra, do you think you could steal us some change for bus fare?”

“I’m not sure if I want to.”

“You don’t want to steal? I guess that’s okay, I can probably find fare another way. Besides, if we are going to leave the Horde, we should really stop breaking so many laws.”

“No, not stealing. I’m not sure if I want to go to Bright Moon.”   
“Why not? Don’t you want to meet Bow and all of them?”

Catra stared at their interlocked hands.

“You seemed so different when you came home the other night. I’m afraid if you leave again, you won’t come back at all.”

“Would that be so bad? The Horde is evil, Catra.”

“Manipulative people are in charge now. But we’re going to change that. You can’t leave, Adora. You’re so good at what you do. You’re strong and smart and fast. You belong here.”

Adora gripped her hand tighter. She felt tears pooling at the corner of her eyes. 

“I don’t belong here. I can’t be a part of this any more. There’s so much world out there.”

“There’s not a lot of world for us. We have no money and no family.”

“I already found friends! That’s the whole point of going to Bright Moon.”

“We have no way to know if they’re trustworthy”

“We need to take a leap of faith.” She ran a hand through her hair. “Catra, do you even remember what candy tastes like?”

“Is it candy you want? I can steal you candy, and clothes, money, anything. Just stay. Stay with me.”

“I can’t! Why can’t you understand that?”

“I don’t understand how you think you can leave! The real world doesn’t want us, remember? We learned that years ago.”

“The Horde doesn’t want us either!”

“We rise on merit here. Out there they only judge you on what you look like and who you love.”

“They can kill us for who we love in here. Catra, you know the only people in the Horde who would miss us are each other.”

“That’s enough for me.”

“It isn’t for me. I’m sick of hiding.”

“I’m sorry I’m not worth staying for.”

“Catra, I care about you so much it hurts.”

Catra  scoffed and slowly detangled her fingers from Adora’s grip. There were crescent-moon fingernail marks on both of their palms.

“God, Adora. If I’d known kissing you was going to make you turn so soft, I would have kept in my pants.”

Adora felt as though she had fallen from the top of a climbing wall. Her lungs hurt and tears were coming. She blinked fast. A Horde Cadet could not show weakness. She just had to get out of the situation before she failed completely. Catra could not know how soft she had really gotten.

“I wish it never happened. Maybe I wouldn’t care so much then. Now, please get out of my refrigerator. I have to go to work.”

***

Adora headed straight for the gym when she was finished burning casseroles. Her mind could only be cleared by jumping hurdles and pummeling punching bags. She knocked down every practice boxing dummy they had, and then ran laps until her lungs hurt.

She walked into the shower block and peeled off her clothes, standing under cold water until her heartbeat slowed and thoughts came back into focus.

_ How could Catra say those things? How could she want to stay here. What if I have to choose? _

She just needed to find a way to get Catra to Brightmoon. Then she would understand.

Miracle of miracles, Catra was waiting for her right outside the shower blocks, in almost the exact same place Weaver had been standing the week before. 

“Catra. What- how did you know I would be here?”

“You always need to hit something when you get angry.”

“Why are you here?”

“I want to apologize. For making you so upset. I guess I can sneak out with you this weekend. Just, promise not to take things too fast, okay?”

“Do you really mean it?”

“Yes.” Catra held out a crumpled up wad of bills. “I already took this from some Air Force guy’s briefcase.”

“Catra, this is way too much for the bus fare.”

“Yeah.” She smiled a lopsided grin.  “I was thinking I could take you out for ice cream? If you still remember what that is?”

“You know, I think I’ve forgotten.” Adora looped her arms around Catra’s waist and leaned down for a kiss. Catra put her hands on Adora’s shoulders and pushed them both towards the wall. 

Catra’s kisses were soft, almost apologetic. She nearly purred when Adora bit her lower lip and pulled them even closer.

“We should get into one of the showers,” mumbled Catra against Adora’s neck. “If we don’t want to get caught out here.”

“You’re right.” Adora gave her one last peck and grabbed her hand. “Let’s go.”

“CATRA!” Catra jumped nearly a foot in the air and turned around. Sergeant Weaver was standing in the doorway only a few feet away. A look of pure rage was plastered on her face.

“How dare you disrespect me like this. How dare you corrupt Adora with your perverted ways.”

The girls cowered against the wall. Adora hardly ever felt small, but she did now, her wet hair sticking to her face. It took just two strides for Weaver to reach them. She grabbed Catra by the collar and pulled her from Adora’s grasp, than slapped her across the face.

“Never touch her again.” She threw Catra on the ground in almost the same manner Johnny had thrown Glimmer. Adora wanted to rush to her side but Weaver blocked her path.

“And you, Adora. I hope you have finally seen Catra for what she really is. If you fail again I will not be so lenient.” 

She strode out of the room, pausing to sneer at Catra’s prone form on the ground. The second Weaver’s back was turned Adora ran to her friend.

_ please be okay please be okay please be okay _

Catra opened her eyes as Adora knelt down beside her.

“I’m alright. Just going to have some nasty bruises. Ugh, help me up.”

“You’re good to walk?”

“Yeah, I was just playing dead so she wouldn’t hit me more.”

“Good. We need to leave right now. Let’s grab our stuff and go.”

“What, are you crazy? Weaver just handed us the golden ticket!”

“The golden what- What are you talking about?”

“If she hit me once, she’ll do it again. Next time I can make sure its by a security camera. You know she’s on thin ice with the Headmaster. We could get her fired.”

“Catra. That’s crazy. She could really hurt you next time.”

“I can take a beating.” She smothered a groaned as she put her weight on her left leg. “Imagine this place without Weaver.”

“I want to see Weaver fired as much as anyone, but I want you to be safe more. We need to leave.”

“We won’t be safe at Light Moon or wherever! You saw that girl get beat up by Johnny and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. We’ll have no one out there.”

“We’ll have each other.”

“That’s not enough, Adora. You said so earlier. Stay here with me and try to make a difference.”

They were back to the bunks by this time. Catra sat down heavily on Adora’s bed.

“I can’t. I’m so sorry but I can’t. No good we do through your schemes could make me feel okay about being here.”

“I don’t make you feel okay?”

“If I can’t protect you anymore there’s no point in staying. I’m leaving tonight.”

Something red and angry flashed in Catra’s eyes.”

“I don’t need your protection, Adora. I never have. You just want to feel important.”

“That’s not true.”

“You always want to be the princess. Too bad you’re about to meet one thousand other fucked-up queer kids and find out just how normal you are.”

“Catra, please.”

“No. Just leave. Maybe you’ll find someone who actually wants your protection.”

“Catra.”

“Just fucking go already.” Catra heaved herself onto the top bunk, all her natural grace gone. She pulled the blanket up over her head, and refused to come out no matter how much Adora pleaded.

Dinner hour was almost over, and Adora’s window to time to run was thinning. She had no doubt Weaver would be watching them like hawks from there on out. It was probably only her rage that kept her away now.

She stared at her few meager belongings. Her head was full of needles and fog. The idea of leaving Catra felt like she was pulling some essential organ out, but staying felt like dissolving. She couldn’t stay and stand by and see Catra hurt again, no matter what tricks she had up her sleeve. She couldn’t be on a force squad that broke people’s arms. She couldn’t be the reason anyone got hurt again.

Adora packed up her bag the way the cadets had been taught on a recent camping trip. Toothbrush, toothpaste. First aid kit. Towel. Spare clothes. A day’s rations. She wrote the address for Bright Moon on a scrap of paper and left the business card in Catra’s drawer, along with half the stolen cash. 

Catra would follow her, once she calmed down. She had to. 

The public parts of the building were still empty. Adora was able to walk out of the main doors of the school completely unseen. 

Adrenaline carried her to the bus stop, but began to wear off as she rode. By the time she made it to Bright Moon’s neighborhood, her uniform was attracting open stares.

The center turned out to be a modest red-brick building, with a rainbow flag hanging in one window. Adora had no idea what country it represented. It wasn’t included in any of the Horde’s geography lessons.

She rang the bell. Bow had told her that someone one always came to the door, even when visiting hours were over. That someone turned out to be Glimmer.

“Abhorra. Are you finally here to arrest me?”

“No. Please. I need your help.”

Glimmer gave her a suspicious look, and Adora opened her mouth to explain. All that came out was a sob.

“Fine, fine. Come in. Bow told me all about you. Bow! Come down, it’s that girl from the Horde.”

She ushered the taller girl into a living room, where Adora collapsed on a couch. Bow was sitting next to her seconds later, letting her finally cry into his shirt. She could tell this was a place to be vulnerable. 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora tries not to think about Catra, and spends time with folks both in and out of the Horde.
> 
> Set in the present day
> 
> (it is very obvious in this chapter that I just finished Season 2. Lots of Frosta and Scorpia, our ladies of Gay Pining)

Adora started to run again, longer and longer loops in the weeks after her conversation with Catra. She wasn’t actively thinking about her old friend. She refused to. Adora found something new to do with her hands every time concerned creased Glimmer’s forehead, or Bow gave her an especially long look.

“I told you what happened when we rode the train back from the library. Anything else is a waste of breath.”

So she ran, further and faster than she had for years. Maybe Catra’s taunts had somehow burrowed their way into Adora’s mind, telling her to get back into shape because danger was near. Or maybe she just needed to savor the feeling of any kind of progress. Maybe she just needed exhausted muscles to be able to sleep.

Maybe that was why she was too tired to react the next time a Horde officer walked into the bakery.

It wasn’t Catra this time, thank goodness. It was the tall, white-haired officer she had talked to at the Horde Gala. Spidera, or something. Adora slowly clenched and unclenched her fist behind the register. It was almost closing time on her afternoon for counter duty. Glimmer was nowhere in sight.

“May I help you?”

“Yes, thank you. I’ll have a cappuccino and a cream cheese brownie.”

“Coming right up.”

“You’re Adora, right?”

Adora just nodded, gesturing at her nametag.

“Haha, dumb question. I was wondering if you would be willing to talk to me? After your shift, of course.”

“What do you want to talk about?” This woman had a far more friendly expression than most of the Horde officers Adora could remember. It wasn’t enough to make her let her guard down.

“Our mutual friend.”

“Um,”

“Catra, I mean Catra. Sorry, you probably don’t remember me from the Gala. I’m Captain Scorpia.”

“No, I remember you. Are you… friends with Catra?” Catra having friends was somehow unthinkable. It had always just been the two of them. 

“Best friends, I hope. We’ve worked together for years. She always laughs at me when I say stuff like “Our mutual friend,” like I’m in a spy movie. Somehow it always sounds cool when she does it.”

So Catra did have friends. Friends that even seemed to think well of her. The parts of Adora that still needed to know more about Catra perked their ears up and begged.

“I get off at six. Meet me at the bench outside.”

Scorpia was sitting on the bench, nursing the last of her coffee, when Adora left the bakery. She shuffled over to her and stood awkwardly in front of the bench.

“Just so you know, Catra and I are not friends anymore. We’ve spoken twice in about eight years.”

“Yeah, she told me. Well, not all the details. You know how she is. But you’re the only person I know of who knew Catra growing up. That’s valuable.”

“All of that was so long ago. I’m not sure it matters anymore.”

“It does. Being back in Etheria is hard for Catra. She- well all of us- went through some hard stuff in the field, and being here is supposed to be a break. Only I don’t think it actually is a break for her.”

“What makes you say that?”

“She went through so much trauma here, growing up. Both of you did. I thought that shared experience might make you able to reach her.”

Adora always avoided thinking about her past as traumatic. Her mind slipped around the word like it slipped around her most painful memories. She didn’t want to think about how those painful memories might be festering beneath Catra’s mind, mixing potently with unknown new traumas acquired in battle. She could feel her brain go soft and quiet as Scorpia spoke, reduced to a voice saying  _ not your problem, not your problem, not your problem anymore. _

“She’s distant and angry. She spends a lot of time alone, and snaps at me when I ask her what’s wrong.”

“I’m sorry Scorpia. It’s clear you care a lot about Catra, which is honestly a little incredible. But I don’t think I can give you any advice.”

“But you knew her for so long.”

“And she didn’t listen to me once all those years. She certainly won’t now. Maybe you can go see a therapist? I know there are some in the city who specialize in vets.” Angella had made her see one for a couple years as a teenager.

“She would never agree to that.”

“Maybe just go for yourself then.” Adora searched through her memory for the kind of thing Glimmer or her mother would say in this situation. “Your mental health is also worth protecting.”

Scorpia suddenly looked on the verge of tears.

“Thank you, Adora. No one ever tells that to the big military woman. Now I guess I should go and not take any more of your time.”

“It’s okay. Really- oof!” Adora let out a sharp exhale as Scorpia pulled her into a bone-crunching hug.

“I’ll see you around,” she said as she walked away. Adora stood up straight until the tall woman had turned the corner and was out of sight, then she collapsed onto the bench and put her heads in her hands.

_ not your problem, not your problem, not your problem anymore. _

_ *** _

Following her conversation with Scorpia, Adora decided to dedicate herself to the present. She had worked hard to build a stable and healthy life, and she was going to enjoy it. A shiver at the back of her neck told Adora she was living on borrowed time until the past snuck back up on her, but she tried to ignore it.

Perfuma, a local urban farmer, was organizing a harvest festival for the last crops of the season. She invited Adora to sell sweet potato pie and other autumn treats.

“We want the kids to see that food from the earth can be delicious too.”

The festival went by without a hitch, despite sugared children running rampant through Perfuma’s pumpkin patch. Adora tried hard not to make eye contact with the police officers loitering by the chain-link fence surrounding the farm. She was fairly sure they were there for security, anyway. 

_ Whose security? _

The first snowfall came just a few days after the festival, dusting the whole city with silver and white. Frosta dragged the entire crew to the park for a snowball fight, even though there was barely anything on the ground. Glimmer brought around a few of the foster kids staying at Bright Moon. They were all decked out in colorful, lumpy sweaters knit by her aunt. The teens looked horribly uncomfortable in the wool, but Adora smiled to see them. Aunt Casta had knit her a pink one her first winter out from the Horde. 

She was startled out of her reminiscences by a shock of snow knocking off her cap. Frosta and two kids had ganged up on her. Adora spun around laughing, and held her hands up in defeat.

“She’s defeated! Demand a prize, Frosta!”

Frosta drew herself up to her full five feet, two inches.

“I demand… information.”

“Anything you want to know?”

“Um,” Frosta’s face turned red. One of the sweatered teens gave her an encouraging smile, and Adora began to suspect a set-up.

“What is Glimmer’s favorite book? I’m, uh, making a her a birthday present.”

Adora couldn’t help the smile that crossed her face. Frosta had come to live at Bright Moon a year after Adora, when she was only fourteen. She then spent two years copying every move Glimmer made. Clearly moving out and starting college hadn’t dimmed the crush much. 

“She likes anything with a dragon on the cover. Bonus points if a woman is holding the sword. Think more Tamora Pierce than Neil Gaiman.”

“Thank you so much!”

“Anything for the cause of young love.”

“What? No! Not what this is. Agh!” Frosta turned around and dashed through the snow, her friends following and laughing.

Adora was still smiling as she walked home. Neither she nor Glimmer went on many dates- neither had ever been in a serious relationship- but it was something nice to think about as the weather got colder.

Kissing and touching were still all tangled up with Catra in her mind. She couldn’t even hold hands with another woman without the shame and fear rising to the surface. Daydreaming about romance, on the other hand, was safe. She had never really thought about it until Glimmer introduced her to Disney movies and romantic comedies. As a teenager she had been too occupied with training and battle tactics, and the physical reality of Catra’s body. The trappings of real love were untainted by the Horde.

***

The next week Adora tagged along with Bow to the Etherian Maker’s Convention. For some reason she usually accompanied him to these events, despite having no head for tech or carpentry. Glimmer always had a sudden pressing engagement whenever it was time for Bow to demonstrate his latest scanners or shop for awls. 

Today Bow was tabling for his YouTube channel, “Breaking Things with Bow,” in which he took apart old electronics and rebuilt them into new, stranger electronics. Adora was mostly there to keep him company and keep track of donated appliances. 

They arrived at the convention center early. Without Glimmer, Adora and Bow tended to be obsessively punctual. The hall filled up slowly, but the table next to Bow’s remained empty until ten minutes before the convention was due to start.

Suddenly, a whirl of purple and green appeared at the west end of the hall. A woman with long violet hair was hurrying towards their table, two round robots in tow. Adora felt herself shrink back, though she couldn’t say why. It wasn’t until the woman stopped at the table just to the right of her and began unloading tools from her belt that Adora recognized her from the Horde gala.

“Bow,” whispered Adora urgently. “That woman works for the Horde. She builds them robots or something.”

“Entrapta? I  recognize her from the internet. Her keynote speech at Women Who Code went viral last year. Total supervillain tech gibberish. She’s a genius.”

“Yeah, that scans.”

Entrapta wandered by their table after the first rush had died down. She picked up a pair of digital binoculars and peered through them.

“Fascinating! Were these specially designed for avian espionage?”

“Uh, yes, if you mean birdwatching. The software will recognize most local birds.”

“And could you program the binoculars with speakers to reply to their calls? Trick those silly sky rats?”

“I’m actually working on that! I’m starting to get very into blends of nature and technology. Not sure if I would refer to the BirdNoculars as  made for tricking birds though. Or espionage.”

“Haha, forgive me. I’m afraid time with the military has changed my view of technology. If you want funding, it better be able to spy on people!”

“Oh that sounds… bad.” Bow looked ready to leave the conversation, but Adora began to be interested. She was positive Entrapta didn’t recognize her.

“Did you do spy work? In your service?” Adora couldn’t imagine the women being very successful at lying or keeping secrets. But did people even still use traditional spy techniques, or was it all digital?

“Technological support for espionage work. Hacking and bugging. Totally inelegant, nothing like the work I do now.” She gestured proudly at her robots.

“Was it hard? Lying all the time, in a foreign country?” Talking to Entrapta was a little like being back at the Horde ball. Adora was seeing what her own life could be like, had she taken a different path.

“Not hard for me. Tech is tech. But some of my soldier friends stopped functioning at optimal levels after a while in the field. I suspect that is why our unit is back in Etheria. Refurbishing.”

“Are you sure you should be telling us about this?” asked Bow. Adora elbowed him.

“Huh. My friends always said to think before I talk, but if I leave out proper nouns, I should be okay!”

“What if people copy military technology?”

“Not to worry. No one ever understands me when I talk about tech!”

Entrapta broke into giggles before turning around to speak with a customer. Bow did the same and Adora was left fiddling with the BirdNoculars. She suspected that she had just acquired a few more hints about Catra’s and Scorpia’s field work.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora's first couple days at Brightmoon, and Glimmer's first time meeting Catra.
> 
> Features Adora shopping, arm-wrestling, and eating oatmeal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi lovelies!
> 
> I'm sorry it's been ninety years. I had a really weird job this summer that sucked all my creative energy. This chapter is a bit of a transition as Adora adjusts to life outside the Horde. 
> 
> CW for references to abuse and depictions of physical violence. Stop reading around "No such thing as a free lunch" if this isn't for you.

Eight years ago

The first night at Bright Moon passed by in a blur. The house was full so Adora had to sleep on a couch in the front room. Not that she slept a wink. She told Angella the basics of the story over Chinese take-out. That she herself was queer, and had witnessed the Horde abuse and discriminate people according to sexuality. That she no longer felt safe there.

Angella promised to introduce her to a lawyer and social worker the next morning.

“Technically, you are still a ward of the state, not of Horak Military Prep itself. I think the state would be willing to transfer surrogate guardianship over to me, as I run a reputable halfway house and not a military incubator.”

“Would the Horde really let go of me?”

“I hope it will not be their choice. You have your own free will, after all. Where do you want to be, Adora?”

“Anywhere but the Horde, please.”

“A little more specific?”

“Out in Etheria. So I guess that means, here, with you. I want to learn more about the world, and about myself.”

Angella smiled, and for the first time that night Adora felt like Angella saw her as a person, and not just a problem to be solved. 

“One more thing. Are you considering pressing charges against Hordak?”

“I don’t know if I could, since Weaver never hurt me personally. Physically, I mean. Besides, I don’t have any money.”

Angella pursed her lips. “I know there are plenty of lawyers in this city who have bones to pick with Hordak, pro bono. Though frankly, it could turn into a media circus.”

Adora could only understand parts of anything Angella said. She was vaguely sure of what media and lawyers were (the Horde was not a fan, she didn’t know why) but positive about circuses. She had been to one on a field trip in third or fourth grade. The bareback riders left Adora absolutely enchanted, and Catra had professed a desire to be an acrobat pretty much up until enrolling in Hordak.

“Adora, are you listening?”

“Yes?”

“I asked you, is there anyone you want to give the lawyer’s information to? Someone who was abused while at the school.”

“Yes, actually there is. But I don’t know if she’ll ever speak to me again.”

Angella pursed her lips. “I’m sorry. I hope you’re wrong about that. I’ll give you her card tomorrow.”

“Thanks.” Adora bit back a yawn, which made the skin around Angella’s eyes crinkle.

“I’ll let you sleep. Open hours start at nine tomorrow, so breakfast is at eight. I believe Glimmer and Bow want to show you around the city after we talk to the lawyer.”

“Um, okay.”

“Goodnight. I hope you sleep well,” said Angella as she walked out of the living room.

Adora brushed her teeth and washed her face. She would have to figure out showers tomorrow. Also, possibly acquire pajamas. Packing them had seemed like a waste of space, but sleeping in khakis was bound to get old quickly. 

Or not sleeping. The couch was too soft and the room was too empty. She lay awake, missing the sound of Catra’s breath. Maybe she was being punished for Adora’s absence. Maybe her body was covered in more bruises, or maybe she would be denied food until she told where Adora had gone.

Angella had promised that the Horde couldn’t take Adora back, even if they knew where she was. Still, she felt like every approaching shadow was Weaver coming to lock her up.

Her worries only shifted into fitful dreams as the sky began to lighten back into dawn.

***

Adora didn’t say much as she ate her oatmeal the next morning, and only answered the lawyer and social worker’s most basic questions. They assure her that as long as Angella can find her a bed and enroll her in public school, there is no legal reason for Hordak Prep to keep custody. The lawyer makes Adora promise to pass on her number to any kids still in the school. Adora figures she could mail it to Catra if all else fails. Help her somehow with her scheme to overthrow Weaver.

After the lawyer leaves, Glimmer and Bow come downstairs and nervously perch on the armchairs opposite her couch.

“Hi guys.”

“Hi.” They stared at each other for a moment. Adora had absolutely no idea what to say.

“Did my mom scare you by talking about lawyers?”

“Um, yes. A lot, actually.”

“Don’t worry about it,” said Bow. “She’ll make sure you’re safe. Angella is a wizard with social workers and lawyers and stuff. She’s gotten a lot of kids out of bad foster situations.”

“Is that how you ended up here?”

“Not exactly. I came out to my parents when I was really young, and they told me they would never support my transition. Glimmer and I had been friends forever, so Angella invited me to live with them when the situation at home became impossible. My foster dads were friends with her from college.  Helping me figure out my life made her decide to open up her house to other queer kids in trouble.”

“Wow. That’s noble of her.”

“Yeah, Angella is great.”

Glimmer rolled her eyes. “I know my mom is a living goddess and all, but this worship makes me uncomfortable. Let’s get shopping. Adora is going to need some new clothes before she starts school.”

Bow got up from the couch but Adora just shifted uneasily.

“Um, I don’t have any money.”

“That’s okay, Glimmer and I can cover. We’re just hitting up the discount stores.”

“I can’t accept that! You’ve already been too generous.”

“We both work at some restaurants down the road. You can pay us back when we hook you up with a job. I think Sea-Hawk’s Sea-Food is hiring.”

Shopping was less painful than Adora anticipated. She tried on what Glimmer told her to, and then stood outside the dressing room to wait for the shorter girl’s verdict. Glimmer only tried to convince Adora to wear one sparkling top before she said she would prefer darks and neutrals, thank you very much.

After shopping, they stopped at Sea Hawk’s for sandwiches and Glimmer tried to convince Sea Hawk to hire Adora.

“C’mon, man. Remember how she left the Horde to help me? Totally a girl with integrity.”

“I do love integrity. But keeping up with me is a high order. Does a Horde kid have what it takes?”

“I promise you, sir, I am strong, fast, and quick to adapt. And I have washed a lot of dishes.” Adora had never had to interview for a job before, and wasn’t exactly sure of the procedure.

“So you say.”

“I can prove it!”

“How?”

Adora was about to suggest finding a local gym when Bow, who had been uncharacteristically quiet, joined in the conversation.

“You two could arm wrestle!” he exclaimed, and then blushed violet.

“What?”

“I’ve never seen anyone beat Sea-Hawk at arm wrestling! But you’re like, super buff.”

Hordak students arm wrestled (and normal-wrestled) all the time. Adora could beat all but the most muscular cadets. Catra was more wiry than bulky, but she had been known to sink her nails into her opponent’s hands rather than give up.

“I’m game. Are you?”

“Sea-Hawk never turns down a challenge.”

Glimmer cleared the table and Sea-Hawk and Adora sat facing each other.

“Clasp your hands. Now three, two, one… Wrestle!”

Sea-Hawk was a strong opponent with excellent grip strength. Adora pushed steadily but gently at first, to let Sea-Hawk think he has the advantage. But just as her elbow started to tilt she changed direction and slammed his hand on the table.

Sea-Hawk laughed and rubbed his elbow.

“So this means I have the job?”

“Of course! Any friend of Glimmer’s is a friend of mine.”

Glimmer pulled Adora into a hug, but released her when she remains stiff as a plank. Physical affection was anyone but Catra was not exactly something Adora had practice with. Besides, she was poleaxed at being called a  _ friend. _ She thanked Sea-Hawk again for the job and then hurried out the door.

***

“Hey, Adora!”

Adora looked up and nearly tripped on the sidewalk. Catra was somehow standing in front of her, mere feet away from Brightmoon. She had a purple bruise over one eye and a smirk on her face.

“What are you doing here?”

“I’ve come to bring you back, duh. Three days is long enough”

“Why?” Adora looked around. The street was empty except for Glimmer and Bow, who were warily watching the exchange from Brightmoon’s stoop.

“Weaver is in big trouble for losing you. I told the headmaster that it was totally her fault for driving you away and that I could get you back.”

“I’m not going back. But this lawyer gave me her card. She said she could help you guys! For free!”

“No such thing as a free lunch,” Catra responded, but she rolled her eyes and tapped her foot until Adora found the card in her bag. Catra pocketed it and then turned to her friend with big earnest eyes.

“C’mon Adora! We’re so close to getting Weaver fired! Half the cadets saw her give me this shiner after she realized you were gone.”

“Catra. Oh my god. She gave you that because of me?” This was it, she never should have left, she never should have left Catra on her own.

“Yeah. Always knew you were her favorite.”

  
“That has nothing to do with anything! Come stay in Brightmoon! It’s right here, and I promise no one is going to hurt you.”

“Since when are you afraid of a fight?” Catra stepped a few paces forward to close the distance between them. “Gone soft so fast?” 

She raised her hand, almost too languid to be threatening. Within a second Glimmer was between them, Catra’s wrist caught in her hand.

“Adora’s not going back with you. Now get out of here.”

“Unless you want to come to Brightmoon for counseling!” added Bow. “It’s really helpful.”

“Seriously Catra, please try it. Angella and everyone are really nice.”

For a second Adora thought Catra was really considering it. And then she expertly twisted out of Glimmer’s grip, punched the smaller girl in the face, and turned to face the stunned Adora.

“You forget that  _ we’re  _ not nice” she called back as she ran down the street.

“What a fucking bitch” muttered Glimmer as Bow inspected the damage to her eye. Adora stared at the ground, hot tears once again forming in her eyes.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of hurt/comfort for y'all.

Adora took a shortcut through a nearly empty park on her way home from the bakery, a few weeks after talking to Entrapta. The days were getting shorter and she wanted to make it to her apartment before dark. She was surrounded by snow melting in slushy puddles, and the gray sky promised cold rain all night. Adora’s boots were starting to develop a hole in the left heel, and she was occupied with calculating whether she could afford to replace them that winter. The laces were fraying too. At least that was an easy fix. She sat down on a bench and retied them, taking extra care to knot the ends. Some other poor soul was huddled at the end of the bench, sipping out of a bottle in a paper bag.

“Hey Adora.”

“What? Who are you?”

The figure took off their hood, revealing mismatched eyes. Adora just gaped. She had steeled herself against seeing Catra at the bakery or maybe during her morning run, but not drinking on a park bench at 5 pm. 

“What are you doing here?”

“Drinking. Duh. What are  _ you  _ doing here?”

 “I live, like, two blocks away.” Adora replied, before remembering her promise to Glimmer to not let Catra know where she lived.

“Of all the gin joints in all the world,” muttered Catra into her bottle. There was a slight slur in her voice.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Don’t get your panties in a twist, I don’t need you to babysit me.”

“Sure. Okay.”

Catra took another sip of her drink, shivered, and stared out at the bleak landscape.

“Have you ever seen the Grand Canyon?” she asked.

“Um, yes, actually,” said Adora once she realized Catra couldn’t be talking to anyone else. “Bow’s dads took us on a camping trip a few years ago. It was incredible, though honestly too hot for us.”

“The heat was perfect,” Catra replied, still staring out in front of them.

“Have you been?”

“Not exactly. Bigger desert, weirder rocks. Other side of the world. But people tell me the Grand Canyon is almost the same.”

“What were you doing there?” 

“I can’t exactly tell you. A lot of weird shit goes on in deserts, but it was beautiful there. The people were so fucking tough.”

“That sounds great for you.” Adora kind of wished she had Scorpia’s phone number. Leaving anyone out in the cold seemed like a bad idea.

“It  _ was _ great. I think Scorpia wanted to desert and stay there. Desert in the desert…”

“Makes sense.” Adora had heard that desertions were almost common in the far-flung outposts of the Horde. It was one reason they were so eager to indoctrinate recruits young.

“But I couldn’t leave the Horde. What would all those years of training been for if I just left? Besides, some bad stuff went down there.” She took another long pull between chattering teeth. “Classified.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Pause. It was always important to tread carefully when offering Catra help. “Now, is there anywhere I can take you?”

“I  _ told  _ you, I don’t need a babysitter!”

“I’m not trying to babysit you! Just, is there anyone I can call?”

“I’m  _ fine _ !” She turned to face Adora, eyes narrowed. A second later she collapsed forward, head between her knees. Her back began to shake, and Adora heard retching.

Their last year in foster care, Adora had gotten food poisoning from some rancid meat. There was almost no food left in the house, and she’d wanted the little kids to eat what was still good. She spent two days throwing up anything she tried to swallow, even water. The adults in the house were almost always drunk or off somewhere, and she and Catra had been separated once again for getting into fistfights. Even so, Catra walked across town when Adora was missing from homeroom for the third day in a row, climbed into her room through a window, and screamed at her foster mother’s boyfriend until he called them a taxi to the emergency room. 

“Shit, I’m so sorry about this,” said Catra from between her legs.

Adora tentatively reached out a hand and rubbed her back, remembering. 

Once Adora was on an IV drip, Catra had refused to move from her side until Social Services showed up. That fiasco landed them in a halfway house for troubled girls until they were old enough to be enrolled at Hordak. People at school had liked to say that Adora had somehow gotten pregnant and Catra killed the father. Catra’s responses to these rumors did not exactly make her seem less like a murder suspect.

Catra slowly stopped vomiting and put her head in her hands. 

“There, there. It feels better to have it all out, right?” Was that the kind of thing Bow said when someone was sick? Bow was good at this stuff.

“Yeah, I guess.” She wiped her mouth. “I’m so sorry. I hate this.”

“Now will you let me take you somewhere? You can come home with me, and sleep it off on the couch.”

“I really don’t want to see your stupid house. You probably still live with those same gay kids.”

“Well, yeah. But if you want we can just go to the bakery. It’s closed now but I have the key.”

“I don’t want you to do anything else for me. I don’t even want you to, like, see me like this.”

“If you don’t want to come to the bakery, I’m following you home.”

“Fine, fine. Just to warm up.”

They walked to the bakery in near silence, Adora resisting the urge to grab Catra by the elbows and steer her around puddles. At least her boots seemed sturdy and color was returning to her cheeks.

Once she unlocked the door Adora busied herself with turning on the lights and the thermostat. Catra gingerly sat on one of the sagging armchairs in a corner, then let out a surprised huff as she sank into the cushions. 

“Is there anyone you want to call on my cell phone? I don’t like the idea of you heading out alone.”

“I do have my own phone. And no, I’ll be fine to go home alone, it’s just a bus ride. Not exactly hard work.”

“You’re still drunk, and it’s cold out there, and getting darker by the minute.”

“I’ve snuck through hostile military zones. I think I can survive a drunken ramble,” protested Catra, despite making no effort to pull herself out of the chair’s deeper recesses. 

“Will you just call Scorpia or someone for a ride? I can’t believe than none of your Horde agent friends have cars.”

“How the fuck do you know Scorpia?”

“We, uh,”  _ oh fuck oh shit  _ “She comes here sometimes. I sold her a cream cheese brownie the other week.”

“How do you know she’s my friend?”

“I, uh, saw you two talking at the Horde Gala. When I catered.” Glimmer had long ago taught Adora that if she couldn’t lie to save her life, she could at least learn to be selective about the truth. Catra seemed to buy the lie. Her glower contained more anger than suspicion. 

“Fine,” she said. “If you want me gone so much I’ll call a friend.”

“It’s not that I want you gone! I mean I kind of do, because having you here is awkward and weird, and I don’t even need to be at work right now, but don’t worry about me!”

Catra stared at Adora, eyebrows raised.

“And  _ I’m  _ supposed to be the one drunk out of my wits.”

“I’m just nervous!”

“So I make you nervous?”

“Yes, Catra. You make me nervous. You remind me of all the things I’d rather forget.”

Catra eyed her from the depths of the chair.

“Usually when I make people nervous, it’s because of the guns. Or knives.”

“I really hope you don’t have any guns with you.”

“Come on, Adora. I’m a soldier, not a lunatic. I don’t pack heat when I go for a walk.”

“And knives?”

“Just the one. You probably have scarier blades in the kitchen.”

“I suppose so.”

They lapsed into silence.

“How did,” Catra waved her hand vaguely. “All this happen?”

“Well, I did the culinary program at Etheria Tech. Cooking was all I knew how to do, besides fighting. And then I worked under the pastry chef at this big hotel downtown, and did a bunch of catering and stuff. I was a terrible sous-chef for a little while. And then Glimmer got in touch with a group that invests in local businesses, and they helped us set this up.” 

“I see. That’s nice for you, I guess.”

“Yeah, I always wanted to have my own place.” She studied Catra. “Why did you ask?”

Catra paused. 

“Can you sit down? It’s weird that you’re just hovering.” She waited until Adora was seated before continuing.

“When I made you come up to the library roof, I wasn’t just there to fight with you, or make you uncomfortable or anything. I wanted to know what your life is like. How it’s all turned out. But seeing you alone was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I fell into old patterns.”

“Oh. I see.”

“So I’m sorry for that, I guess.”

“Thanks.”

“And I’m sorry for just now. I can call Scorpia, I don’t want to trap you here.”

“That’d be great.”

Adora fiddled with her phone while Catra made the call. She felt awkward just sitting there, but Catra had been the one to ask her. She couldn’t blame Adora for listening just a little.

“Hey Scorpia”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.”

“Since when do I need to tell you when I’m just taking a walk?” 

“Yes, I know it might snow later.”

“I’m indoors, I promise.”

“Funny thing, I’m at that little cafe where Adora works.”

“Yeah, she mentioned you come in sometimes.”

“I don’t know why you two think I can’t find my way home alone!”

“Fine, I’ll wait for you here.”

“Yes, I’ll tell her.”

Catra hung up the phone. 

“Scorpia says hi.” she told Adora. 

“So she’s coming to get you?”

“Yeah, though it will take her awhile, she has some projects to finish up at base first.”

“Okay.”

“So I guess you’re stuck with me,” Catra smirked, “Hope that doesn’t make you too nervous.”

“You know, I think I can handle it. After all, we have a lot to catch up on.”

Catra’s smirk turned into something more like a grin.

“I suppose we do.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More conversations in the bakery.
> 
> I would like to dedicate this chapter to my cat Snowflake, who sat on my lap for a lot of it.

Adora could feel Catra looking at her through the half-light of the cafe. She was fairly certain that Catra and Angella had never met, but they had something in common: both could strip Adora to the bone with just a stare.

“Anything you need, Catra?”

“A snack would be nice, if you insist on babysitting”

“Come with me into the kitchen. I’m sure we have something.”

Catra followed her without lessening the intensity of her gaze.

“Let me see. One of my friends gave us a whole crate of late apples. There are more than we need.” She tossed one to Catra, who caught it with a deft motion and hopped up on the counter to eat. 

“Fucking hell, Adora, it’s freezing in here,” she managed to get out through a mouthful of apple.

“Well, I don’t exactly keep the heat on after I lock up for the night! But I generally try to keep the kitchen cold, it’s a lot better for pastry.”

“Interesting. Why?” asked Catra, though Adora suspected she was asking more for conversation than out of genuine interest. 

“Well, you want your strips of butter to be really solid, so when they evaporate in the oven they leave nice layers behind. If the butter is too soft or mixed in, the pastry is flat. Ergo, cold butter, flaky pastry.”

“I think I saw a show about that once. You know the one, all the bakers in the tents?”

“The Great British Bake-Off? I love that show. When did you see it?”

“Scorpia likes to watch it to unwind.” Catra took a big bite of her apple, maybe embarrassed. Adora felt a little red herself, as she watched Catra’s canines sink into the fruit.

“I think I’m going to make tomorrow’s pie crust now. Why waste a perfectly cold kitchen?”

“Why indeed?” muttered Catra, pulling her coat further around herself.

Adora pulled two sticks of butter from the refrigerator and cut them into small cubes, humming to herself. It was nice to have Catra near her while she cooked, sarcastic and shivering, munching on stolen fruit.

“So… who is Scorpia to you, anyway?”

Catra fidgeted on her perch.

“We were in the same cohort in Officer Training. She really, uh, brought me out of my shell.”

“You were in a shell?”

“I didn’t trust anyone.”

“I see.”

“After you left. I didn’t trust anyone, because of you.”

“I’m not going to apologize for leaving! Anyway, I asked about Scorpia. So you trusted her?”

Catra glared at Adora but carried on. She seemed to be in the state of sobering up where belligerence wasn’t worth the energy.

“Nah. I spent most of officer training trying to shake her off. But eventually we got posted to the desert together, and then she saved my life. She saved my life a few times, actually.”

“Wow, that’s intense.”

 Catra finished the last of her apple and threw the core into a garbage can across the room.

“I try not to think about it anymore.”

“Why not?”

“That kind of debt? I’ll never be able to repay her. I’ll never be what she really wants me to be.”

“Which is?”

Catra gave Adora a level stare. When Adora continued to stare blankly, Catra made a lewd gesture with her fingers.

“So you two were never, like, together?”

“No. I mean, I was tempted. I’m not blind. I know what it means when a giant gorgeous women is obsessed with me. But I couldn’t understand why anyone would want me, so I didn’t let her in. And then by the time we were friends I knew I could never let her go through something like dating me.”   
“Is dating you really that bad? Compared to, like, war?”

“Considering you ran away from it in the dead of night, yeah.”

“I would not exactly call what we were doing dating. And it was the war-like aspects of our lives I was running away from.”

“Fair point. But yeah, I’m more of a one night stand kind of person. If someone wants something more serious, I tend to stop answering the phone.”

“Cold,” said Adora as she wrapped her dough in cling wrap.

“So how’s your dating life, princess? Cuffed anyone lately?”

“Uh, no. I don’t really do that.” Adora prayed she wouldn’t start to blush.

“Do what? Sex, dating?”

“Either, I guess.” Yep, blushing for sure.

“Why not?” 

“You know what this conversation reminds me of?”

“You haven’t answered the question.”

“The way we used to talk on the roof at school. Just asking each other ‘why?’ and ‘why not?’ until we had, like, scraped every piece of knowledge from the other’s mind.”

“Still haven’t told me why you aren’t fucking anyone. Not going to distract me with a trip down memory lane.”

“It’s personal!”

“I told you about my trust-issue-fueled one night stands!”

“Fine. You’re relentless. I remember that too. But I feel like I left that part of me back with the Horde, at school. The part of me that wants to have one night stands or relationships.”

Catra was uncharacteristically quiet for a moment.

“Wow,” she said. “I guess we really fucked each other up.”

“I would mostly blame Sergeant Weaver for that.”

“Heinous bitch.”

“What did you end up doing to her? I heard she got fired, but I don’t know anything past that.”

“Well, I called the lawyer whose card you gave me. I managed to sneak out to meet her, and told her everything. She called the school to open some kind of lawsuit.”

“I can’t believe the card worked!”

“Slow your roll. She didn’t say my name, but Weaver pretty obviously figured out it was me. Something about how I was a ‘lying traitor she should have never let into the school.’ I was on total lockdown after that. Classes, training, and sleeping. Only one meal a day.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, I could have really used you then.”

Adora leaned against the refrigerator and shrugged. Catra continued on.

“The lawyer figured out that I was being punished, since I was radio silent. So she started calling the school every day, and made the cops and social services check on us. We put on a total show for them, but the headmaster was a smart man. He knew he had to change the school or lose it. We woke up one day, and Weaver was just gone. Fired without any warning.” Catra smiled. “It was one of the happiest days of my life.”

“I’m so happy for you. I was always so worried that she would kill you without me there.”

Catra glared at Adora.

“I didn’t need you to protect me. I never did.”

“I didn’t mean it like that!”

“Yes you did! You think I can’t do anything on my own. Sure, your lawyer was a lot of help, but I was the one who got hit in the face, I was the one who had to sneak out to get help, I was the one who had to go without food or showers or a single shred of affection for so long!”

Catra sat on straight on the counter, arms crossed over her chest. Adora saw that her earlier mild answers had only been a way to forestall this eventual eruption. Part of her was glad. Catra was finally a captive audience. She could finally say her piece.

“Here’s what I don’t get, Catra. You always yell at me, blaming me for leaving you, for ruining it all. But you could have left with me. You could have left the Horde behind, and come to Brightmoon, and had all of this.” Adora waved her arms around the dark bakery.

“I didn’t want Brightmoon, or your nice friends, or this whole fucking life. The only reason I had to run was that you were telling me to.”

“Why wasn’t my word enough?”

“It wasn’t worth my pride. Getting to be a homeless kid with you wasn’t worth losing all the power and medals and adventures I knew I had coming.”

“But what if you didn’t get any of that? What if Weaver had killed you before you graduated, or messed you up so much you would never be right again?”

“You know that point had already passed, Adora. You know that we’re both fucked up beyond repair. Maybe we were before got to the Horde.”

“I don’t think we’re completely broken. I don’t know that anyone is.”

“That’s the kind of attitude I expect from a hippie baker. In the Horde, we know we’re broken, and we know how to use it. It’s us broken people who become officers and spies and heroes.”

“And then they just break you even more?”

Catra deflated a little bit, some of the fight going out of her eyes.

“You might be right. Scorpia would probably say that you are. But do me a favor, okay, Adora? Don’t pretend that you’re any less broken than I am.”

Adora took a deep breath, ready to keep fighting, and then deflated as well. She could argue all day about why she was in better shape than Catra, she could make graphs and bake themed snacks to state her case, but she doubted she could convince the other woman. She wasn’t even sure she could convince herself.

“Can we hang out like this again, broken person to broken person? It’s been so long since I’ve been able to talk to someone who grew up the way I did.”

“Anytime, princess.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a worldbuilding crisis about whether to call the baking show the "Great Eternian/Mystacorian/Drilian/Whatever Bake-Off"
> 
> Feedback would be welcome, on that or anything else.


End file.
